Clinical EFT Practitioner & Boundaries Coach
Hi, my name is Kerry and I’m a recovering People Pleaser.
I never realised I was a people pleaser until I started my inner work a few years ago. I’d always told myself that I was just an easy-going person and if I didn’t want to do something I’d say – I never did.
The idea that my needs and feelings would come first even on occasion didn’t occur to me – It didn't compute.
I lived in fear of confrontation – but only with friends and loved ones. Strangers, I had zero issue arguing with. This gave the impression to everyone that I was strong, independent, and fully in control.
Ha! Little do outsiders know, us People Pleasers are masters at covering up the real us… we don’t want you to feel bad, cause trouble or be a hinderance so we pretend everything is OK – I was gooood at this.
This all changed when I was introduced to EFT. I saw and felt changes right from my 1st session – so needless to say I was hooked! It was this session that was the start of the long road leading to where I am today.
As I worked through my ‘stuff’ peeling back the layers of hurt, anger, mistrust, and unworthiness It became clear that I’d got a major fear of being rejected or abandoned.
Once the shock and realisation settled in, it was clear as day. This fear was running through EVERY aspect of my life. Romantic, Family, Friendships, Work, everything!
But where had it all begun?
Following the breadcrumbs given to me by Tapping, it led me back to my conception, this all started in the womb! What?! I didn’t believe what was coming up at first – I’m not that woo woo! But I trust the process so kept going, and as I Tapped more, it all made perfect sense.
I was a surprise baby you see, a major unwanted shock to an unmarried woman in 1972. So instead of joy and happiness there was disbelief, fear, shame and “I don’t want this baby”. All this fear and shame was directed to and absorbed by me in those first weeks of my existence. My poor mom, I can only imagine her distress (side bar, one of my grandads made my aunt give her baby up for adoption because she was unmarried).
Mom and Dad got married within weeks, but it was too late, the belief was there, stuck. The dread and expectation of rejection followed me throughout the next 45yrs of life.
This original belief was then re-enforced by my brother and sister coming along when I was 3yrs old, I was no longer the centre of attention. Followed by being constantly bullied and abandoned by my so-called friends at primary school between the age of 5-12. Compounded by strict parents, telling me if I didn't behave, I’d be thrown out the house or taken to the Care Home. Anyone else told “You live under my house you live by my rules”?
So, I learned to please and be subservient to the caregivers and bullies so I wouldn't be rejected or abandoned. They’d love me and take care of me if I did everything to keep them on side – right? Wrong.
I’m painting my childhood out to be terrible; it wasn’t, I was loved, clothed, fed and cared for. I had a good start in life. You can still pick this stuff up in a happy home.
But to a small child who is totally dependent on the whim of others it can feel like life or death – and for some it is.
We’re programmed for survival so when we PERCIEVE danger no matter how small we do what we can to stay alive. - I became a PEOPLE PLEASER
So here I am today, saying No and putting myself first, having strong boundaries, and helping other People Pleasers heal and do the same.
I’m now a Clinical EFT Practitioner and Boundaries Coach, and I love it! It’s such an amazing feeling Tapping with someone and seeing a cognitive shift appear in their eyes. They’ve just connected the dots and realised where a belief or behaviour all started. They’ve just released something that has been holding them back for decades.
I’m so grateful for my journey, the good bad and ugly. It’s created the amazing life I have now and given me the opportunity to help others in the same way I’ve helped myself. I wouldn’t change one second of it.
How I Moved On
I "tap" almost daily, just 10 minutes. I’ve a kind curiosity about how I feel. I’m thankful for my emotions, they help me understand myself better. I don’t run from them anymore. It’s scary at first, but that goes away eventually.
I make tweaks every day so become a slightly different person each day.
I’ve trained myself not to be a victim, I choose whether I have a good or bad day, thought or reaction.
It’s because of my consistency in Tapping, being aware, keeping promises to myself, meditating when I can, as well as creating micro habits for change that I’m growing into the person I want be, with the life I want to live.
I’m not going to give you false promises, it takes focus and consistency. You need to commit to a few minutes each day, you need to put some effort in.
You also need to be brave by putting yourself higher up the priority list. I’ve had serious emotional blackmail guilt trips from friends and family because I’m not longer freely available to them - you can Tap right through this.
It’s not always easy but I owe it to myself to be true to my feelings and my needs and not feel guilty or selfish about it. I only get 1 life; it would be a crying shame to waste it any longer.
You are responsible for YOU.
So, if you’re ready to stop quitting and start committing I’m here for you.