Updated: May 30
Dear People Pleaser,
Have you ever asked yourself…. What am I really responsible for? Not what do I FEEL I'm responsible for – that’s just a story you made up at some point in your past. No-one ever told you, you MUST be responsible for XYZ, it's your role in life did they? Anyway, I'm digressing, let’s get back to responsibility – what's yours and what isn’t – using facts not feelings.
A really good way of establishing what is and isn’t your responsibility is to write a list of everything you think is down to you to take care of. Include all the areas of your life: work, children, friends, partner, extended family, whatever.
Next, write down what responsibilities belong to the other people in your life. If any responsibilities are shared, such as household finances or chores, write down what percentage of the responsibility you think is appropriate for each person.
Such a simple little exercise, and yet an eye opener to actually how much you are taking on that isn’t you ‘stuff’.
If you’re a recovering people pleaser who is kinda sorta getting there but could use a little more reinforcement – then I think this is an awesome tool to add to your anti-people-pleasing toolbox.
When your inner critic starts with the “but isn’t this horribly selfish of me” and “OMG what will they think of me” remember to ask yourself:
Is this my responsibility?
Let me help you along and go through this exercise with you and suggest what you might be responsible for.
Things you're probably responsible for:
Taking care of your health – physical, mental, and emotional.
Managing your stress and anxiety levels – back to mental health.
Creating your best life, the life of freedom you dream of
If you’ve kids, then you're responsible them until they’re old enough to take care of themselves.
As they grow, for teaching them how to meet their own needs – not doing it for them.
Creating financial and emotional security for yourself and for your little kids.
Creating balance within your responsibilities.
Asking for help when you are sinking, overwhelmed or don't know what to do.
That’s it, that’s all you are responsible for.
Just for funsies lets take it a step further, let me also suggest what you're not responsible for.
Things you're really not responsible for:
Someone else’s happiness.
The feelings of others.
The relationships of others.
Anyone else’s entertainment.
Anticipating and meeting the needs of those who show up in your life.
You may choose to show compassion and find ways to help and support some people in some ways some of the time.
But you don’t need to say yes when you’d rather say no.
You don’t need to be everything for everyone who happens to cross your path.
Solving every single problem that falls in your lap.
Choosing to be kind, considerate and thoughtful but not putting others comfort before you being who you want to be.
Protect all of humanity from ever feeling any discomfort.
Dear People Pleaser can you please…
Take responsibility for your own life and let others do the same.
Don’t let caring for others prevent you from caring for yourself.
Don’t get so caught up in what other people think that you forget to think for yourself.
Don’t get so busy living other people’s lives that you never get around to living your own.
If you want help on drawing a line between your responsibility and their responsibility download my free workbook Setting Healthy Boundaries today.
Or if you’re ready to do the real down and dirty work and put your People Pleasing ways behind you for good, I invite you to enrol on my 12 week “I’m The Boss Of Me” Transformation program for People Pleasers. Find out more by applying for a no obligation FREE 30min Discovery call today.
Love and light beautiful one.
Clinical Emotional Freedom Technique Practitioner & Confidence Coach
P.S. As always, I invite you to join my thriving Facebook Group – People Pleasers Rehab: Setting Boundaries and Saying No with Confidence for even more support, comfort, insights, and lessons to enable you to leave your People Pleasing life behind.
P.P.S. For tips on how to Stop People Pleasing and Start Me Pleasing (without feeling guilty or selfish) I have a FREE masterclass you'll find helpful.
In this Free Masterclass you'll learn
The 3 BIGGEST People Pleasing mistakes, the ones that keep you stuck saying Yes to them and No to you
My simple 5-step Me Pleasing formula to help you go from People Pleasing to Me Pleasing - all without feeling guilty, selfish, or disappointing people
It's the exact same formula I used to end my own People Pleasing ways, I've worked out how to do it, I've made all the mistakes, so you don't have to!
Get started with this free training here or by clicking the image above for access